The Song Jane [Doe, CEO] Likes

Jane Doe, CEO & Diva

Note: This article was originally intended to be posted on 1st April 2020, but was delayed. I decided to share it now rather than waiting another year.

In my last post, we met Jane Doe, CEO. This article forms part of her further adventures [1]. The material may seem eerily familiar to anyone who – like me – has a pre-teen daughter.


The figures show red in the ledger of dread
Not a bright spot anywhere
A storm of profit warnings
And I’m tearing out my hair
Our shares are tumbling like the rain I hear outside
Can’t find out why, our accountants tried

We have no facts that we can trust
Much more of this and we’ll go bust
Oh what a bind, I have been blind
Well now I see…

CDO, CDO, they’ll know just what to do
CDO, CDO, they’ll help us to get through
I don’t care what I have to pay
Get us data now
I know that there’s got to be a better way

I’ve read how analytics
Can be really quite profound
And good quality of data
Can help us turn around

I heard machines can help us learn
And governance can have its turn
We need some stats to make things right

CDO, CDO, can’t find me one anywhere
CDO, CDO, does no one really care?
Help us to create gold from clay
Get us data now…

Our CDO has helped us to work out a plan
With custom dashboards, every woman, every man
I slice our numbers now just like a piece of cake
We built a warehouse first, now for a data lake

CDO, CDO, we’re getting right back on track
CDO, CDO, our numbers are turning black
We all know that come what may
Got our data now
I knew that there had to be a better way…


  With apologies to the Dave Matthews Band (for the title); Robert Lopez, Kristen Anderson-Lopez and Christophe Beck (for the music); Chris Buck and Jennifer Lee (for the inspiration); Idina Menzel (I’m just so sorry Idina); and anyone else who knows me [2].  


Eat your heart out Arthur Conan-Doyle.
Plus The Disney Corporation for [hopefully] not suing.

Another article from The home of The Data and Analytics Dictionary, The Anatomy of a Data Function and A Brief History of Databases.

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